Moods

Why do I have to have moods? What are they good for?

At noon today I was in a great mood. Two hours later, and for no apparent reason, I've crashed. Ach!

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On the whole, it's been another good weekend. Friday night I was going to go out, but then I had a bad headache and was content with the prospect of staying in, watching TV and playing on the computer. I didn't fear a night in, but embraced it. But after a successful cocktail of painkillers, I felt good enough to go out to a movie with my brother. I saw the new Harry Potter, and it was good. Every time I go to the movies, I think, this is fun-- I should do this more often.

I slept in Saturday morning and woke up to a winter wonderland outside my house. Although I'd been bitching about how much I hate winter all week, the first big snow of the year was surprisingly uplifting.

The world is much brighter when it's covered in white. It just made me feel good. I cooked myself a warm breakfast (which I never do) and called my sister (which I rarely do.) Then I decided to skip the Saturday morning tennis workout so I could shovel my driveway. It was fun. Shoveling your driveway is a great activity to do while you're writing a book-- I thought of lots of great new ideas for stories.

The rest of the day I worked on little things here and there. I got things done, but I didn't feel any pressure or duty to do them. They didn't feel like chores. It felt like a nice cozy lazy snow day.

Late afternoon I went to a holiday party for the local hiking club. I'd never been to any of their events, and this one was an hour away from where I live. I was going to go with a friend, but she had too much work, so I ended up going by myself. It was okay. I was social, I met some new people, and I'll try to go to some of their future events. I doubt I met my next BFF, but more connections is probably a good thing. I was home early-ish, in time to watch some TV and play on the computer before bedtime.

Although I was feeling pretty good all day, I did feel a little loserish when I went to bed. I usually feel that way when I play a computer game for several hours before bedtime.

When I got up this morning I was still feeling a little loserish. I made a list of all the things I wanted to do today, and it would be a full day. (This post was not on that list.) I went to "church", but I wasn't really inspired by it. I didn't feel like I belonged and didn't want to be there. I left in a low mood.

But after church I went grocery shopping. I stopped by the food co-op, which I joined last summer, and the cute cashier was working. I haven't written about Co-op Girl yet, but I've noticed her a lot lately. She always seems to be there when I shop, and she's very friendly and smiley. I don't get "vibes" with her like I get with Mystery Girl. I think Co-op Girl is probably that friendly with everyone. But it's still nice to have an interaction with an attractive woman. And this morning we had the most significant conversation we've ever had. Usually there's a long line of people behind me, but not today. And I was in rare form, making her laugh and sharing stories. Sometimes I amaze myself how spontaneously social I can be. I hadn't rehearsed any of my lines! And I was clever and charming. And she's totally my type.

So, I can file away Co-op Girl as another possibility, although it's pretty remote. That put me in a great mood. I came home with the ingredients to cook my weekly meal, so I was excited about that, too. I had lunch, went online and... just kinda deflated.

I've been wanting to write on my public blog, which I haven't posted to in a month. K read it regularly, and she's probably still reading it, if I ever write on it again. So writing on that blog makes me feel like I'm communicating with her indirectly. I've had a new post idea for several weeks, but every time I sit down to write it, I can't finish. I have blogger's block. I don't know why, but it's frustrating.

Then I tried to work on my book, but that wasn't coming, either. I've pretty much finished my first new story and have been editing it for a week now. But it still doesn't feel right.

Then I tried to investigate more cruise options for the upcoming holiday break. But it's just annoying and depressing. None of the cruise sites will give me the information I want. I don't know what I'm doing, and I've never planned a solo vacation like this before. I'm afraid of making some huge rookie mistake. I hate being out of my element like this. It seems you can't do anything without calling their 800-number during normal business hours, and that's not how I like to do my investigating.

So, my mood has plummeted. Then I had to vacuum and do laundry, and I just wasn't in the mood for it. I usually enjoy those things, but right now I just don't like anything.

Now I have to wrap this post up so I can start cooking my weekly meal (new recipe: Italian meatball soup.) After that, I have a tennis match tonight. Maybe one of those things will snap me out of it. This unscheduled blog post has helped.