I've always had a superstitious imagination. If I imagined something good happening (motivational gurus call this "visualization"), then I was convinced it would never happen. I would be jinxing it, and then I'd feel like a fool for ever thinking it was possible. And even if it did happen, it would never look like it did in my imagination, so it would be a disappointment.
My solution to this was to try as hard as I could to NOT think about possibilities. If there was something I really wanted-- which almost always involved getting with a girl I was crushing on-- I would do everything I could to NOT visualize it. To use a blunt and crude example, I would avoid fantasizing about having sex with girls I believed I had an actual chance with. That fantasy was reserved for the unattainable women.
My philosophy has always been to keep my expectations low and I won't get disappointed. That way, I'm not crushed when the thing I really want doesn't happen. Also, when things I really want DO happen, it's that much sweeter.
I was trying to tell a friend about this recently, and she didn't understand my reasoning. Why not visualize good things? What's the worst that will happen if they don't come true? Why keep yourself from thinking good thoughts? And at least you have the good feelings that come with the visualization, even if it never comes true.
Per usual, I was defiant and kept trying to argue my position. But she planted the seed of an idea in me, and after much thinking, I realized she had a point. Why was I so afraid to imagine good things? What good has this strategy actually done me?
The thing is, my "jinx" superstition doesn't even hold up to analysis. With both SnarkEX and K, I had all kinds of fantasies about us before we got together. I didn't hold back and thought of all the great things we could have together. And in both cases, it didn't jinx anything. And it didn't lead to a disappointment once it turned into reality. It was actually the opposite: the fantasy enhanced the reality. Because the reality is never exactly like the fantasy, so it's amazing and wonderful to see how it plays out in real life. Real things are 100 times better than fantasies, merely by the fact that they're real. Fantasies can't touch them.
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So I've made a decision. I'm not going to hold back anymore with regard to imagining good things.
I won't be superstitious about my new love interests. I'm going to let my imagination run wild with Mystery Girl and Co-op Girl. The odds are nothing will ever happen with either one, but for now it's nice to have the fantasy. Maybe Mystery Girl and her son will move into my house with me. Maybe I'll get a tattoo to match one that Co-op girl has. I'm surely a fool for getting ahead of myself, but I'd rather be a fool with happy fantasies than one who lets superstition rule his life.
I will luxuriate in all the possibilities and not worry that I'm getting ahead of myself. Because I know that if and when something does indeed happen, it will be way better and more surprising than anything I can fantasize about.
Screw you, superstition.
Peace At Any Price
1 year ago
5 comments:
Isn't it amazing? We come up with these incredibly interesting rituals or habits to try and protect ourselves at all costs. Snark, people are always me what I am afraid of when I say that I need to prepare for the worst. Truthfully, I have no idea why I think that's better. It would probably be better to hope for the best.
Haha, I totally get that. I am kind of similar that way. Way too easy to jump the gun and get all over excited and then get disappointed. I know what you mean. And um, did you change your blog title again? You're messing with my blogroll ;-) Changed it *again* ;-P
YOU GO!
I love this. I don't believe in jinx. (And funny because my guy was doing the same as you until he met me.)
Here's the thing about positive thinking... you know it's fantasy but it allows you to display more comfort or confidence when you're around the person or in the situation you've fantasized about. At least it seems that way.
I say dream on and then see what happens!
If you lower your expectations, you'll never be disappointed. I get that. I do it with stuff like promotions, raises, awards, etc. And actually that's worked out for me pretty well. If I act like I don't care, it usually works out for me. But when it comes to dating, I always allow my imagination to run wild. ;-) I think it works with love. Don't know why. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that other people can sense your attraction and positive energy. I hope your new outlook will work for you!
Marisa, my philosophy always was, "Hope for the best but prepare for the worst." You can do both. I'm just tweaking it and emphasizing the hope more.
Yes, Jolene, I changed the title again. I'm just experimenting with different ones. Sorry for messing with your blogroll!
I agree, T. I'm losing my faith in the jinx.
Yeah, Thisbroken, this attitude could help me seem more confident around my fantasy women. But it's not really about results, but about feeling better in the meantime.
Thanks, everyone.
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