Our love was comfortable
and so broken in
Last week I started digging around my house for some music that didn't remind me of anything in my past. I want something completely new. I found a John Mayer CD that SnarkEx had got me for birthday or xmas or something. I hadn't listened to it very much, so it didn't really have any associations for me.
This song jumped out at me.
It reminded me of one of the last things K wrote to me before we started our detox. She told me that being with me was comfortable and easy, but that wasn't enough. Hearing this was so painful I decided we needed a clean break. I couldn't handle hearing things like that and saw no point to continue doing things that hurt me.
I don't get it. People search their whole lives for a relationship that's comfortable and easy. I thought was the whole point-- to find someone you feel that way about. If you find love like that you should hold tight on and never let go. And it's not enough for her?
Anyway, the song tells a great story. It's about him dating someone new who is supposed to be "perfect," but he misses his ex because their love was comfortable. It's not exactly parallel to the Snark & K story, but it's still very good. (This line relates to several blog discussions I've been having recently: "I loved you/ grey sweat pants, no makeup, so perfect.") I really want to post this to my public blog, where I think K would see it. But that might be too passive aggressive.
I just remembered that time at the market
snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart
And rode down aisle 5
you looked behind you to smile back at me
crashed into a rack full of magazines
they asked us if we could leave.
Can't remember what went wrong last September
Though I'm sure that you'd remind me, if you had to
Our love was comfortable and
so broken in
I sleep with this new girl i'm still getting used to
my friends all approve, say she's gonna be good for you
they throw me high fives
She says the bible is all that she reads
and prefers that I not use profanity
your mouth was so dirty
Life of the party
and she swears that she's artsy
but you could distinguish
Miles from Coltrane
Our love was comfortable and
so broken in
she's perfect, so flawless
or so they say
She thinks I can't see the smile that she's fakin'
and poses for pictures that aren't being taken
I loved you
grey sweat pants, no makeup, so perfect
Our love was comfortable and
so broken in
she's perfect, so flawless
I'm not impressed, I want you back.
What do you think? Is easy and comfortable enough for you?
Peace At Any Price
1 year ago
6 comments:
This post really struck a chord with me. I am 100% in agreement with your confusion. I thought that was what we were all looking for too, but my husband apparently didn't agree.
I like comfortable. When I'm in the dating stage, I crave being in that comfortable stage where I know someone so well. I don't think I would give that up. For me there's always another reason it's not working. Also, I just want to say how proud I am of you for making a clean break! It can be so tough to do, but I think it ultimately makes the healing process much faster.
Comfortable is good. It's what many of us strive for...maybe not everyone and confusion adds to that, which is what I think K had. She'll never know what she let go. That's regret for ya. Her loss.
For me, there needs to be a balance between easy and comfortable, but challenging and stimulating at the same time. That's just me. For me, the ultimate relationship inspires me to grow and improve, not remain stagnant and "comfortable" with life. I don't know if that's what K had in mind, though.
Yeah, Momma S, I think that is what K had in mind. I felt like I grew and learned a lot from her, but she didn't feel the same. I told her that if she didn't learn anything from me, it wasn't my fault. She had to be open to it.
I also think that, this being her first relationship, K didn't understand the value of "comfortable and easy" in a relationship. I've had drama before, and it's not fun.
Or it could be that I just wasn't the right person for her. Sigh. I would have a much easier time accepting this if I knew that my real true love was really out there.
Thanks for your comments, everyone.
Yes, I agree with Sunshine.
Many women, my younger self included, want more challenge and, I'll even admit, drama than comfort. I grew into comfort. I missed it after my divorce but still wasn't ready to dive back into it until this relationship.
My man challenges me to grow, in a good way, so I don't miss the drama anymore. There's a good chance that K didn't want to settle down just yet. So, it's good for you that you knew the fit wasn't there.
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