Yesterday I realized that I have a potentially supremely embarrassing security hole in this blog. The profile name I used on one of my online dating sites is an obscure word that, if Googled, could lead the person back to this very blog. I had chosen that word the last time I internet dated, about 1.5 years ago. Over the three years of the life of this blog, the word appears in exactly two comments (not even in the text of any posts), but that's enough to put it as the 6th or 7th search result on Google.
I realized with a sinking feeling that if any of my online potentials Googled my profile name, she could discover this blog. And that would just be... way too much information. I have already removed the two comments with that word, but Google has a memory, so it could take quite a while for the search results to change, if ever.
I could change my profile name on the dating site (and probably will), but my dilemma is this: If I change my profile name, it will look fishy to the women I'm currently corresponding with. Suddenly they're receiving messages from a name they don't recognize. It looks suspicious and might draw more attention than if I just let it be.
There's one person in particular I'm worried about. She's sent me two messages so far, and they are super clever and very funny. This one has more potential than any other woman I've pursued since K. So I don't want to blow it.
And there's really only one surefire way to guarantee she doesn't see this blog: shut it down.
*****
It's actually something that's been on my mind for a while. This blog is taking up too much of my life. About 70% of my social interactions take place through my snarkbutt identity. It feels way out of balance. I'm not getting work done (both professional and personal.) Maybe it's time for me to step back. Put my energies into a new project.
The other thing is that I'm tired of worrying about all the security risks involved in staying anonymous. I've always known that the security around this blog is not airtight. If Snarkbutt ever decided to run for president, people would figure out my real identity. There are enough clues. I even had a scare last summer that K could find it. (She did, but respected my privacy enough not to read it.)
This blog has been my best friend for 3 years. It's helped to get me through my divorce, countless post-divorced dates, and my first post-divorce heartbreak. I don't know what I would have done without it. But three years is a long time in the life of a blog. I've written 490 posts. Received 1,101 comments. Had 21,179 page hits since last July. (Thanks, Blogger stats!) I've made dozens of friends through this blog, and the prospect of leaving all that behind is sad and terrifying.
But I also know that this blog can't last forever. In some ways, it's holding me back from my ultimate goal, which is to find a mate. As someone pointed out when I was writing about the breakup with K, I shouldn't ever let my next girlfriend read this blog. It would be like reading my love letters to an ex. And I feel uncomfortable blogging about potential or future mates. It feels like I'm violating their privacy, even though I try to be careful not to reveal too much about them. Or I'm violating my own privacy. In order to really find the kind of love I want, I need to let this blog go.
*****
So I'm not sure what's next. I could continue to write, but just make it password-protected. But I'm not crazy about that idea. I think I'm ready to move on.
Maybe this will be an opportunity to concentrate more on my public blog. Create a name for myself in the blogging world where I don't have to hide who I am. The public blog won't be as personal or as revealing or soul-searching as this one. And I suspect many of my divorce/heartbreak blogfriends won't want to follow me there, since it's much more about politics and religion and books and stupid stuff (from a liberal atheistic Unitarian bent) than examining my own neuroses.
One big advantage is that I could finally Facebook friend many of my blogfriends without worrying about the security risks.
I'd like to give people the opportunity to read what's going on, but at some point in the next week or so I will probably close down this blog. I can't say what will happen after that, if I'll be able to make a clean break or if I'll need to wean myself away. I may continue to read and comment on other blogs, and I may not. If I do, I may do that as snarkbutt or with my public profile. I just don't know how this all will play out.
If you want to stay in touch or see my public blog or friend me on FB, send an email to buttsnark@yahoo.com ("snarkbutt" was already taken. WTF? Actually there are several others out there who aren't me.)
I thank all of you, from the bottom of my heart, for taking this journey with me. I will really miss snarkbutt and all his bloggy friends, but it's time to retire him.
Peace At Any Price
1 year ago
12 comments:
Aw! That's a bummer. But then again, I completely understand a blog running its course.
You will be missed.
Godspeed
Okay, wow, I don't think I can handle you leaving us, so I think you need to let us (me!) wean ourselves off this blog...or just plain don't go. You are one of my longest bloggy mainstays! This is all about me! Me! Just kidding, mostly, but seriously, I would have liked a heads up first. Again, just kidding, but I really hope you at least stick to your other blog and of course Facebook buds.
I want to offer support for whatever you choose.
Personally I think that what you've written here is kindof a nice window into your soul and would only make me like you more, not less had I stumbled across it while googling you.
Maybe it's not a bad idea to weed out those who would be daunted -- those people might be less likely to be emotionally fulfilling if scared away by the very real and normal depth you display here. But I understand how you feel and indeed have wondered the very same for myself.
Hey, that sucks, honestly. Are you sure? If you are sure, I support it. Also, I already figured out who you are from a certain mutual friend's FB page (I am a champion internet detective) so I'll just friend request you if that's cool. I didn't before since I figured you were protective about your anonymity.
You may be okay. I recently discovered that I had used a similar handle that could link posts from a plastic surgery forum to me, and I had that handle changed. The word in question no longer pulls it up in google. It was only a matter of days.
I think you'll be fine. Don't go!
Ohhhhhh nooooooooo! Reading your blog was one of the higlights of my work day (do I have too much time on my hands? ;) ) I personally wouldn't mind if you password protected your blog, but you need to do what feels right. I looked forward to reading your insights because we were both going through tough breakups at the same time, and I could relate to what you were writing (and still do!). Boo hoo! Don't go!!
In the far past, I, too had a forum for hashing through my problems, analyzing decisions, wailing about my hearbreaks, and writing pages and pages of my feelings down. It was called a diary (or journal when I was in college). It helped me tremendously. And I loved going back to re-read it recently after not looking at it for 25 years or so. I couldn't imagine the world reading it and commenting on it, and yet it was invaluable.
Rats. That's all I have to say.
Maggie
Oh no, Snarky! I have read your blog everyday for the past 6 months (and even went back in your history to 'catch up'). I actually stumbled across your page when I was trying to research divorce(my current bf is recently divorced, and since I've never been married or in a long-term relationship, I was having a hard time understanding what he has been through). You have helped me in a lot of ways, and I have become addicted to reading your posts everyday after work. If you do go, I just wanted you to know what a tremendously positive impact your blog has had...on myself and many others. Good luck, Snarkybottom :)
~Em
I'm pretty shocked and saddened. Obviously you have to do what's best for you. Just maybe think about it a little longer and make sure this one woman who you may never even meet isn't the only reason you're closing shop. But if your decision is final, good luck. I'll see you around FB.
I totally get it. I have enjoyed following your journey and wish you the very best!
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