Not Alone

I had some really low points this weekend, but there were also some bright spots.

I woke up Sunday morning in a depressed stupor. I hadn't slept much and got up way earlier than the alarm because my blog was calling. I had to write out some stuff.

Then I went to church because I needed some routine in my life that I could depend on. I've made it to every service for the past eight weeks, even though for some of them I felt like I was just going through the motions. I spent most of the service obsessing about FL and feeling nervous. (This was before I had gotten her message confirming that she wasn't interested.) I couldn't get out of my own head.

But after the service, during the coffee hour, I met a nice young lady. She seemed really interested in talking to me. It was refreshing to meet someone new and get out of my own head. This is probably what I'd needed since my date the day before: some human contact to get me out of myself. It turns out that this girl was yet another grad student, studying in the same program as AG. It also turns out that not only does she know AG, but they're working on a project together. Small world. Pretty soon you won't be able to swing a dead cupid in this town without hitting someone who knows someone that I've dated. I was energized by the conversation, and told her to tell AG I said, "Hi."

Then I ran some errands. While I was at the hardware store buying some more insulation for my attic, I ran into Homebuyer. She was buying stuff for her new house with her parents, who were visiting for the holiday. I told her about my date, and my anxiety, and she helped me to put things in perspective. Again, just what I needed. Someone to talk me down from the crazy.

So I was in a pretty good mood running the rest of my errands. I came home, had lunch, and then checked my email. This was when I read FL's gentle but firm rejection of me. I was too depressed to do anything after that but blog and nap, which I did. I didn't sleep well during the nap. But it was nice to be surrounded by my cats.

In the afternoon I was tooling around Facebook and K was there. We started chatting and I told her about my date and rejection. She was sympathetic and we had a great discussion about (among other things) dating and what we were looking for. I remembered why she is so awesome and why I'm totally smitten with her. While I was chatting with her another friend started a chat with me. I've never done two FB chats at the same time. But I pulled it off.

I felt much better after my talk with K. I realized that I could probably be happy being single, as long as I could depend on those kinds of interactions when I needed them. The problem is I usually have to depend on serendipity (ie. both of us on FB at the same time) to "talk" to her. We're not at a point where I can make it happen.

Later my brother called, and it was good to talk, but by then most of my social reserves had been restored.

So it was a day with one negative social interaction surrounded by five positive ones. If every day had such a ratio, I think I would do fine.