So I knew it was a bad sign when FL sent me a message this morning that was only three sentences long. Although she a.) had a good time, b.) thinks we have a lot in common, and c.) likes me, she did not feel a "connection" with me. So that's that. No more dates.
I guess I was right about the vibes I was getting: She wasn't attracted to me. I hate being right sometimes.
I appreciate her being direct with me, but it still hurts like hell. I'm not sure what happened, since she seemed to be so into me online. She's the one who approached me. I was kinda lukewarm about her profile and her online personality. Then she sucked me in and became more interesting as the week went on. Over the course of the week she sent me 22 messages. She said she was really looking forward to meeting me. Twice.
So while I was pleasantly surprised by her live presence, something about my physical person turned her off. I probably don't want to know what. I definitely don't want to know.
The whole thing only lasted a week, so why am I taking it so hard?
When I first considered the idea that my marriage might end, this was the terrifying thing that I feared. Having to date again and dealing with this kind of shit. Insecurity, putting myself on the line, rejection. I know how it goes. This was the life that I envisioned and feared as a divorced man.
I really don't have anything to look forward to right now. My alone attacks are getting more frequent, I have no dating prospects, and the holidays are coming up, which means more free time. Meanwhile, all the secondary people in my life will be busier with traveling & stuff.
I'll get over it. I always do. Then the next one will come along and it will happen all over again. Every once in a while I get a happy ending out of it.
Some people never find it.
Some only pretend.
But me, I just want to live
Happily ever after
Every now and then
Jimmy Buffett ("Happily Ever After (Now and Then)")
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