Single Loserdom

I've had a few days to get used to the idea of separation, and a few nights of good sleep, and I'm feeling amazingly good about this. Part of me is even excited about it. The wife found a place and will be moving out next week. I've been going out every night, so we don't see each other much. Going out and reconnecting with friends has been fun. But it scares me how civil and casual the wife and I are with each other, as if we're just roommates with no emotional involvement. She's being more friendly and chatty than I have.

I'm afraid of next weekend, though, because it seems that all my friends will be out of town for the Easter holiday. I worry that the first evening I have to spend home alone, the weight of this situation will come crashing down upon me. One of the best things about being married is that there's no pressure to go out and be social on the weekends. I never felt like a loser staying home on a Friday and Saturday night with the wife and watching TV or playing on the computer. Even though we weren't "doing anything", we were not doing it together. As a single person, however, it just feels pathetic to do that all the time.

I bought a new CD yesterday. I had to be careful what I bought, because I knew that for the rest of my life this CD will remind me of our separation. I went with a collection of John Prine duets described as a "collection of meetin', cheatin', & retreatin' songs."