Open Privates

The Web 2.0 has made many of us a weird mix of public and private. For instance, I pour my soul out on this blog, getting more personal than I ever would with many of my family, friends and acquaintances. And even though there are a few people who read this blog who also know me in real life, I'm pathological about staying anonymous and not mixing my blog world with my real world.

There's a very complicated matrix of who knows what about me, so with most interactions I have to think very carefully about what I can reveal to which people. Does X know about my porcelain Twinkie collection? Can I complain to Y about my third buttock? Who might be interested in a story about my cats' pukeballs? Just like individual people, this blog has its own security settings. For example, I would never reveal my kink for cartoon robots here.

There are parts of my life where I'm quite private. At work I'm strangely guarded about my personal life (except for with the guy that I commute with, but I don't work with him.) I guess because I don't really feel close to anyone there. And I like having a clear dividing line between my career and my personal life. It's one reason why I never friend anyone from work on Facebook. I don't need professional colleagues looking at pictures of my cats or my meals. Or my cats' meals.

But those are exceptions. In general, I consider myself a pretty open person. I'm likely to whip out my feelings and personal issues and private stories much sooner than most people. At a party, I'm often the first person to cross the line or say inappropriate things. (I'm not the only one thinking it, though.) In many cases I think my openness draws people to me. I open up to them, so they open up to me. It makes for great conversation and intense friendships.

But also I wonder if this openness turns other people off. Do I make people uncomfortable when I reveal things that they consider too private? Or when I ask them to reciprocate? I can think of several examples in my life when I suspected that people pulled away from me because I violated someone's privacy, even my own. Like put pictures of them up (clothed!) on my website or told a story that involved them. Some people just bristle at the thought that other people might be talking about them. That never bothered me.

The reason I bring this up is that I was at a party this weekend and someone told me that a poem I'd written for K, which I posted on FB, was "corny." It was one of her birthday poems, and both she and I happened to think it was clever and fun. (The only birthday poem that I could publicly show people. The others were private and, um, explicit.) In all modesty, if someone else had written this poem, I think I would be impressed. But I was also a little worried that people would think I was being too public about my love, posting it for everyone to read. (Since it was K's birthday present, I did ask her permission first.) Did I go over the line? Did people think it was weird? I haven't really got much feedback on it, other than the "corny" comment, which makes me think that sharing it with the entire (FB) world was indeed over the line. Is it too much like a public display of affection (PDA)?

At the same party, I wanted to tell another friend about the limerick I wrote for K, but he cut me off. I wasn't going to recite it for him, I just wanted to tell him about one of the lines, since it related to what we were talking about. He kept telling me he didn't want to hear it. That's annoying. It's not like I was trying to show him a rash on my junk or anything.

Even now, telling these stories, I worry that the people I'm writing about would be bothered that I wrote about them. Even though they don't read this blog (that I know about) and there's no way anyone could identify them.

I suppose, just like hobbies and interests and sense of humor, level of openness is just another factor in what makes someone a good friend. People who want to share limericks will find each other.

Incidentally, I think Open Privates would be a great name for a soldier porn movie.
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I had a very social weekend. I went out to be among people Friday night, Saturday morning, Saturday afternoon, Saturday night, and Sunday morning. I also had two phone conversations (weekly phone date with K) and, in addition to getting my usual chores done, I cooked. (The only downside was that, because of my knee, I couldn't play tennis. It doesn't seem to be getting any better and I'm worried about how long it's going to keep me off the court.)

If only every weekend could be that full of stuff.