Weird

Sometimes a thought comes to you in a roundabout way. I was driving to my mixed doubles tennis match on Friday night when I thought about what I would do after the match was over. Probably just shower, have a snack and watch TV. Not an exciting Friday night. In the busy traffic I thought about all the people going out on Friday night: to restaurants, movies, concerts, on dates.

Wait a minute, I thought. I have a girlfriend. I should have a date tonight. That's one of the big advantages of being in a relationship-- you always have an automatic date on the weekends. But... she lives 700 miles away.

Is that crazy? Isn't it totally weird that I'm dating someone who lives 700 miles away? (That's 1100 kilometers for my Canadian readers.) How is that even possible? When I first brought up the idea of dating to K, back in November, I knew we had lots of obstacles. She had many legitimate objections. Weirdly, though, she never brought up the fact that we lived three states away from each other. She never once said, "A date? How can we date when you live in Snarkville and I live in K-tropolis?"

Perhaps the distance appealed to both of us. I could go slow since I was all fucked-up & shit from the divorce, and she could go slow because she, well, is the type who likes to go slow.

The distance between us reminds me of my work situation. I live 50 miles away from where I work. So every workday I drive 50 miles each way. One hundred miles a day. Isn't that insane? Why would I do that?

I have my reasons. I have a good job with great benefits-- good pay and ample time off-- but I don't want to live in the tiny town where my college is. The place where I live, Snarkville, is a college town with lots of great cultural opportunities and a ridiculous amount of tennis opportunities. Also, I have family here. So I've just incorporated the hour-long commute into my routine every day. Most days it doesn't seem weird. But every once in a while I think, "This is crazy. Why do I live so far away from where I work?"

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As I may have mentioned here before, K and I went on a few dates in grad school nine years ago. Our last "date" was a Halloween party in 2001. It was obvious to everyone there that she wasn't into me, so as we all got drunk, one of my friends said to me, "She doesn't deserve the Snarklove!" I agreed and stopped asking her out.

A few months later K and I started hanging out as friends again, but when I asked her to a movie, it felt a little too datey for her, and she said something like, "We could go as friends, but I thought you understood before that I'm not interested in dating." Okay, you got me. I was hoping it would be a date. Thanks for being direct.

It's totally weird to me that now, nine years later, that girl from grad school who was so not into me is now my girlfriend. I had completely given up on her. It's like she was dead and now she's come back to life. It feels like the K I knew back then and the K I know now are two completely different people.

Dating her now almost feels... and I hate to use this word... unnatural.

Weird.

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When I visited K back in December, on the weekend date we now consider to be our anniversary, she kept saying how weird life is. She never expected us to get together like this. "Life is so weird," she kept saying.

Word.

Weird. Weird. Weird.