Spirals

The events of last February (2009) keep coming back to my lately, showing me how my life runs in cycles. It was an active month. In the two years I've had this blog, February 2009 had the record for the most number of posts (23) in a single month. I wrote about:

• writing
• asking out TennisGirl (TG)
• going on to, and off of, antidepressants
• meeting Homebuyer
• discussions on Eat, Pray, Love
  
• meeting TGTBT, who later became AwesomeGirlfriend (AG)
  
• tennis victories
• dating after divorce
  

The cycles of my life are more like spirals. I go around a circle, but each time it's a slightly different experience, as I move up or down the spiral. For example:

• Just yesterday I wrote an update about my writing life, which I had originally posted exactly a year ago.
• I'm currently reading the follow-up to Eat, Pray, Love, which I first read a year ago.
  
• I played a league match against TG on Monday. Last year, exactly one year ago today, I was all stressed out about asking her out. When we played our league match back then, she kicked my butt. This week, I squeaked by her in a long, exciting match (5-7, 6-4, 6-4.) It was the first time I've ever beat her in a league. Incidentally, TG has a boyfriend now, and I'm dating K, who is a much better match for me.
  
• Speaking of K, dating her is bringing some of the same panicky issues I had last February when I first started dating AG.
  

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It's funny when I read how panicky I was having to wait five days between my first and second date with AG. I'm waiting 4-6 weeks between dates with K! Actually, that's not really a fair comparison, since K and I have frequent email, Facebook, and phone contact.

Which is why I'm going through another panicky moment right now. This week I pushed the envelope a little, calling her spontaneously on Sunday. That seemed to work well, and she sent me a spontaneous text the next day. Both good things.

But then I fear I might have pushed it too far. On Monday I sent her a long email where I shared some of my insecurities about us. Yesterday I left two FB comments on her page and sent an ecard (in honor of Groundhog Day.) She has not yet responded to any of it. She usually writes me on Tuesday evenings, but this morning there was nothing.

Often, when I panic like this, it turns out to be nothing. My panicky moment over AG last year turned out to be ridiculous. I'm hoping that by writing out my anxiety now, I'll look like a fool later. But there have been times when my instincts have been correct-- that I came on too strong, I knew I came on too strong, and she confirmed it. So I'm worried that this is one of those times.

The more I think about it, and the longer I go without a response, the more I panic. I need a distraction. Hello, blog.

Here's a great ecards site that K introduced me to: