They took new x-rays, but they don't look any better than the ones taken in the ER two weeks earlier. In fact, it looks like the bone is moving further away from its proper place. But because an x-ray is a picture of a three-dimensional object in two dimensions, it's hard for them to tell whether that's actually happening or not. It could just be the angle of the shot.
The doctor mentioned "surgery," a word I like even less than "scar tissue." He said that some clavicle fractures clearly don't need surgery, and others obviously do. Mine is in a gray area where it could go either way. I might benefit from surgery, but I also might not need it.
The benefits of surgery would be that they could put the bone back in the correct position. There'd be more support there which would give me more shoulder strength, which is important for tennis. Also, I worry that if I let it heal on its own, my shoulder will be deformed. I already feel like the right shoulder droops more than the left one, which makes sense because the bone is out of place.
But there are a lot more drawbacks to surgery. First of all, they would be cutting into me. There would be scars. They would put a metal plate into my shoulder to hold things in place. "Metal plate" quickly became my least favorite phrase from the conversation, eclipsing both "surgery" and "scar tissue." The metal plate sometimes causes irritation once it's in there, but you can't really take it out, because they drill holes into the bone to attach it. If you remove it, your bone has a bunch of holes in it, which make it less stable and more likely to break.
Metal plate? Really? In 2009 they don't have any other space-aged material, like cubic zirbonia, that at least sounds better? I don't want to set off airport security sensors the rest of my life with a piece of metal sewn into my shoulder.
While I was mulling over a lifetime of having metal inside my person, the doctor offered this helpful fact: Some clavicle breaks never heal on their own. This usually happens in older people, and they just learn to live with a broken collarbone. Obviously, your days of riding the jet-ski would be over in that scenario.
It's funny how quickly your priorities change. When I very first broke my clavicle, I hadn't even stopped rolling on the hard court before I thought, "Oh shit, I'm going to miss that tournament this weekend." A few hours later, in the emergency room, they said I'd be out of tennis 4-6 weeks. Now my worry is that I'll never be able to play tennis again, or at least not at the level I played before. Surgery may be the only way to get back to tennis.
The doctor was waiting for an answer, so for a few tense moments, I had to weigh whether or not I wanted to go under the knife. And that's a very scary decision to have to make on your own. I couldn't imagine having to go through surgery without anyone primary in my life. This is one of those situations in my life where I feel most vulnerable as a single person. Where I feel most alone.
I asked the doctor if we could wait to see if it heals on its own before we make the surgery decision. He said yeah, we could do that. I decided to go with that.
Since the doctor's appointment, though, the clavicle has been feeling a lot better. I think it might have heard the word "metal plate" and it's been scared straight. That's my hope, anyway.
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POSTSCRIPT:
One health mystery that has accompanied my broken bone is my weight. In the past, when I've gone even a few days without tennis, I would gain weight. I haven't played tennis in almost three weeks and I've lost a pound. WTF?
Two theories
- Maybe I'm losing muscle weight because I'm not using that shoulder.
- My body may be using up a lot of energy in the healing process.
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