Divorce Sling

The clavicle brace that they gave me in the emergency room was so very lame.

This is the exact model that they gave me, right down to the ugly light blue padding that clahes with all of my shirts. [Man pictured is NOT the exact same model as Snarkbutt.] It was ugly, near impossible to put on, and really didn't do a whole lot to support my clavicle, according to the orthopedist I saw a few days later.

Most importantly, it looked just like backpack straps without the backpack on it, so it wasn't clear to people that I was injured at all. I looked like a major dork with no color coordination toting weird straps around his shoulders. Even though I've accepted my celibate fate until my clavicle heals, I'd like to at least look like someone would sleep with me.

The second sling, which the orthopedist gave me, is much easier to put on. It's the more traditional-looking kind that enables people to immediately recognize that there's something wrong with me.

It really doesn't do a whole lot for my comfort, and it does nothing to help in the healing process. In fact, there are times that it gets uncomfortable wearing it, because my elbow gets tight from not moving. Also, it's August and my right arm sweats like a sumbitch in it.

They told me I don't need to wear it when I'm sitting or lying down, just when I'm up moving. Well, then, when would I wear it? I wondered. While I'm cleaning out my gutters? I've got a fucking broken collarbone, when will I not be sitting or lying down? It turns out the only time I put it on is when I leave the house and go out among the people. It's really just cosmetic.

The sling is a message to the rest of the world: I'm injured, so handle me with care. Don't get impatient with me if I take a little bit longer to pick up my grocery bags. Don't slap me on the shoulder or jostle me or try to shake my right hand or touch me in any way. Stay away from me or you might catch what I have! (My sister visited me last weekend, and when she greeted me we hugged. The hug was kind of left-sided and awkward, because I was trying to protect my right shoulder. Forget about sex in this condition, how do I even get the slightest bit of human contact?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I was telling a divorced friend of mine about the purpose of my sling and she said she wished there were a t-shirt that did the same thing for divorced people. Something that says, "Just got divorced. Handle with care." I thought that was a great idea. It would also clear up the whole public face problem: how & when to tell people I'm divorced.

So these ideas knocked around in my head for a while and I came up with the perfect solution: a divorce ring!

We have wedding rings to tell people we're married, so why not one that tells people that we're fragile, cautious, bitter, disillusioned, or just plain fucked up & shit?

Of course, we'd have to wear it on our middle finger.