Champion!

I came home from work Tuesday night in a pissy mood. I even thought about bad things for the first time in months. But I had the "championship" match in my tennis league to think about, so I took a nap and readied myself for that.

The match was actually anti-climactic. In a season where I keep winning nailbiters at the last minute, this was supposed to be my toughest test of the season. But my opponent had a really bad night and I was steady, if not spectacular. I beat him 6-0, 6-2, my most lopsided victory of the season. The first few games were close, but I managed to pull them out with positive thinking. I kept telling myself, "You win the deuce [close] games, you win the deuce games." And I did. I also clawed myself out of a hole when he had three chances to break my serve and take a 3-1 lead in the second set. I told myself, "You're going to come back and win this game and it's going to break his spirit." And I did. I won five straight points and tied it at 2-2. That did him in and he gave up the last four games. I was embarrassed at how easy the victory was. I hardly broke a sweat. It was almost a letdown.

It wasn't a dramatic victory, but it clinched the championship for me. With a week to go, I am undefeated and assured of first place. I just won my way into this league last year, and now I get to move on to the next higher league. Considering I was middle of the pack last year, and I had a pretty awful outdoor summer season, this championship has come as a huge, wonderful shock to me.

I am a champion!!

I was so excited about winning that I called my oldest brother on the way home. (And I never use my cell in the car.) He didn't answer so I left a voice mail. Then I called my other brother, whose daughter said he wasn't "available." I said I'd call back later. I wanted to talk to someone, to share my good news, but all my other family members live a time zone that made it too late to call.

In my head I composed an email to all my family and friends announcing my tennis success. It's not exactly like finding a new job, the birth of a child, or winning the Nobel prize, but after the year I'd had, I was bursting to share this scrap of good news.

I listened to Bruce Springsteen's Born to Run on the way home, at top volume.

...It's a town for losers
and I'm pulling out of here to wiiiiiiiiiiin.

It made me cry. I don't know if they were tears of joy and triumph, or cathartic sadness, or just an overwhelming emotion that's too deep to figure out.

By the time I got home and showered, I'd come down a little. I decided not to call my brother back. And by the next morning, when I got to my email, I decided that an email announcement to my family would be kinda pathetic. I can see the little brother in me crying "Look at me! Look at me!" and I don't like that aspect of my personality.

I wish I could take all the optimisim, fun, and confidence I have on the tennis court and transfer it to the rest of my life.

But in at least one area of my life, at this time, I'm a winner.