The Final Act

As I was about to leave the house to go sign my divorce papers, I felt like I needed to change. I was wearing my comfy casual sporty charcoal shorts and a white t-shirt from the tennis center. It didn't feel like the right outfit to get divorced in.

I rummaged through my t-shirt drawer, asking myself, "What's the right t-shirt to get divorced in?" I chose a black one that with the word "imagine" on it that Snarkwife had got me when she visited New York. I also put on jeans, because that feels slightly more formal than a pair of shorts. Yeah, a black t-shirt and jeans felt about right to get divorced in.

I didn't have time to really reflect on the magnitude of this Life Moment, because I was late getting to the lawyer's office and stressed about that. Can you be late to your divorce? I was about five minutes late to my meeting with the lawyer, which, in retrospect, maybe sent a message that I was not totally on board with this.

I spent a total of 15 minutes with the lawyer. He was a nice enough guy. I noticed he had a wedding ring on. He answered some questions and explained the process of Snarkwife going before a judge and testifying. I only had to sign three things, but there were four copies of each, so there was a lot of signing.

Even though I had to sign a waiver of the two-year waiting period, that didn't mean I could have made Snarkwife wait two years. It just meant that she would have to change the grounds of divorce from "irreconcilable differences" to "mental cruelty", which is ambiguous enough that it allows anyone to get divorced at any time for any reason. In fact, even the six-month separation we're doing could be circumvented. That's ridiculous to me.

The only part of the settlement agreement that really bothered me was a statement that "all efforts at reconciliation have failed." That's a complete lie. All efforts have not failed. We didn't try everything. We tried a few things, but nowhere close to everything. I know it's just standard boilerplate divorce legalese, but who can really, honestly say that they've tried all efforts at reconciliation before they get divorced? What bullshit.

I won't be officially divorced until "mid-September", when the lawyer and Snarkwife go before a judge. The lawyer asked me if I wanted to know ahead of time when they get a court date. I said no, just send me the papers when it's all over.

My part is done.