I'm going to a movie tonight. I'll go alone if I have to, but dammit, I'm going to a movie.
I've decided I need yet another attitude adjustment. A different outlook. A new strategy. I need to stop doing the things that make me feel like a loser and start doing things that make me feel like my life is real and valuable.
It's not much, I know, going to a movie. But I've been to three movies in the theater this entire year. Three. The entire year. And I love going to movies. But I can never find anyone to go to the movies with, so I end up staying home, and all these movies I want to see leave the theaters before I have a chance to see them. Well, not anymore. I'm tired of trying to fit my life into other people's schedules.
I think I need to take the same approach to making friends that I did with finding a girlfriend. Stop trying so hard. If it happens, it happens, but in the meantime, do the things I want to do. Stop sitting at home and moping.
As a result of my divorce, I learned a valuable lesson: you have to work to keep friendships, and it's never a good idea to depend too much on one person (i.e. your significant other.) The problem is, if other people in your life haven't learned this same lesson, you're still going to sit at home alone on a Saturday night. Maybe they don't even need to learn this lesson. Maybe their social life is secure. We all have our own stresses. Mine is not having enough friends. Other people might have work stress or financial problems or health concerns. They have their own lessons to learn.
But I've been too consumed by my lesson, and I need to let it go. Yes, in a perfect world, I would have a larger network of close friends. But I don't, and I need to accept it. Stop doing the same things over and over again and then indulging in self-pity when I get the same results. Lots of people are just as lonely as me. So get over it.
So my new strategy is to always have a backup plan for Saturday night. Something I can do by myself that will get me out of the house. This week I decided I'm going to a movie. I'll have to fight the feeling that I'm a loser sitting in a theater all by myself. But at least I'm trying.
Peace At Any Price
1 year ago
5 comments:
Snark,
Good for you!
PK
I think that you and I are similar in so many ways Mr. Snark. Here is a piece of advice that I shall also try and follow. Stop worrying about what other people think and just enjoy yourself!
Yea for you, Snark!!! I started going to movies by myself two years ago. I eased into it by going to daytime movies at first (less crowded), now I go anytime. You'll see other people who are alone there too....no one has ever stood up and said to me, "you loser, you're here alone!" (By the way, I'm married...he's just busy working all the time.) Now I get the popcorn all to myself and don't have someone sneaking sips off my slurpy. You're going to love the experience!
Thanks, Anon.
Going to the movie alone wasn't so bad. I did feel a little loserish at first sitting down by myself next to a stranger. But I don't talk to people during a movie anyway, so why do I have to know the person sitting next to me?
Another advantage: I went to a popular movie on opening weekend. If I'd been with someone, it would have been hard to find two seats together. But I was able to pick a solitary aisle seat with no problem.
I hate the movie theater. Too cold and I like to relax on the couch over a movie...however, I DO want to see a movie alone, just to say I can. It shouldn't be as "scary" or "lonerish" as it seems, since it's a dark room and nobody (really) talks. It's mental. I applaud it, and the backup plan. My backup plan is usually my sister's house ;-)
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