It Gets Better

The It Gets Better Project is a Youtube channel launched by Dan Savage to respond to the recent wave of gay teenagers who killed themselves because they were being bullied and harassed in school.

It consists of hundreds and hundreds of videos of gay adults who weathered similar abuse when they were in school, but have gone on to live happy meaningful lives. It's an effort to show kids who may feel isolated or different that it won't last forever. Life gets much better once you grow up and get away from the homophobia and bigotry of many small towns or schools.

It's a brilliant idea and I hope it helps lots of gay teens out there. And many of the videos are very uplifting. It's like chicken soup for the gay teenage soul.

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Of course, as a middle-aged divorced straight man, I've never had to face what gay teens face. So please don't mistake my next point to mean I'm in any way resentful or envious of gays for having this great resource. But at the risk of sounding like an over-privileged whiner:

Is there an It Gets Better video for me?

Telling a teenager who's going through a rough time that it gets better is an easy promise to make. Of course their life will improve. High school sucks for everyone, especially those who are different.

But I'm a 39-year-old divorced man who's trying to hang on to the best relationship I've ever had. If K and I break up, can anyone really promise me that it will get better?

I know people are uncomfortable with my assertion that K will be my last relationship. Like I wrote a few days ago:

I know that I will never find anyone who fits me better than she does... She has ruined me for other women, and although I may date again, I don't think I'll ever be this enthusiastic about someone again. That's why, even if she says it's going to end someday, I'm in no hurry to make it happen. I have no sense of, "If you're not the one, let me go so I can continue with my search." My search is over. I've found my ideal, and I know the realistic chances of me ever finding it again. I was lucky enough to find one of her.

So even if K says she knows she doesn't want to spend her life with me, I'm content to just stay with her for as long as I can. Because I truly don't believe that without her, it gets better.

I'm not clinging to K because I'm scared I'll never be in a relationship again. I probably will. I'm clinging to her because I don't think it will ever get better than this. I'm almost 40 and exhausted from the whole dating game. If/when K and I break up, I don't think I'll have the energy to pursue another relationship-- especially one that is bound to be less satisfying than this one. That's why I call her my last love.

I could be wrong. It wouldn't be the first time I was wrong. But it's certainly how I feel right now.

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K update: I talked to her this morning. She said she felt a lot better about us afterward. She says that talking about our relationship gives her more incentive to work on it. I guess we had gotten away from that and were due for some relationship maintenance. She's still pretty sure we won't end up together, but when I asked her how we're doing she said we're "still talking."

Relationship status: still talking.

I couldn't find that option on Facebook.

I have a hundred more thoughts about us, but I'll save that for another post.