I was going through a bunch of boxes, trying to pack, and I came across the box to a teakettle I bought a few months ago. I had bought it for AG so she could make tea while she was over at my place. It was one of the gestures that she had said touched her. I felt a stab of heartache when I picked up the box.
I put down the box and turned my attention to other stuff. In the back of the closet I found a collage of pictures that SnarkEx and I had hung up in the apartment. Pictures of us-- together, solo, with the cats. After she moved out, I buried it in the back of the closet because I didn't want to deal with it. Seeing it again for the first time in over a year brought another stab of heartache.
I didn't know you could go through two breakups at the same time.
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Despite my one maudlin moment described above, I've been in pretty good spirits lately. After I broke up with AG, I had one day of torment. I emailed her last Monday to ask how she was doing, and she never responded. I was relieved. This was her telling me, "Leave me alone." So I did.
Then I got preoccupied with house-buying and moving stuff, and I haven't looked back since.
For the first time in my life, I don't want a girlfriend. I want to be single. This is a completely alien feeling to me, and it's very liberating.
I'm a homeowner! I never thought I could feel this way about a house before, but I am absolutely smitten with my new home. I haven't even moved in yet, but it already feels like HOME. If I had known how great this felt, I would have done it years ago. My sister-in-law has a theory that now that I'm a homeowner, I'm putting all my energy into my new home, and that's why I'm fine with being single. It's an interesting idea.
For now, I'm completely inundated with moving details. We'll have to see how this "happily single" attitude plays out after the dust settles from the move.
2 comments:
I purchased my first, post divorce home 6 years ago. I think smitten is a proper word to use when describing how I felt.
I bonded with my little home right away. I think for the first time in a long time owning a home helped me no longer feel adrift.
I've learned there really is, "no place like home." And after a while I learned there is nothing better than sharing a home with someone else.
I hope you enjoy your knew home and making it a nest of your own.
Good for you!! Feels liberating to be single...I tend to agree, though wouldn't argue if say, CSB were available ;-)
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