The Replacements

Women grieve, men replace.

I don't know where I heard that, but it's an interesting idea. Probably posited by a woman trying to denigrate men, but whatever. I'm not here to argue whether or not it's true. I just want to talk about the idea of "replacing."

In the past few months I have a new girlfriend and a new cat. On some level I have "replaced" SnarkEx and SnarKitty. There are now new entities to fill the role in my life that they once played.

It's true that I tried very hard to replace SnarkEx as soon as possible. My first attempt at dating happened about a week after I first learned that it was officially over. It wasn't for lack of intent that I spent a celibate year. I'm just not the kind of guy who can find and attract women very easily. As I've said many times before, some people are able to jump from fling to fling without ever having to hit the cold hard ground of loneliness. I'm not one of them.

Many people like to use the word "rebound" when someone starts dating too soon after a breakup. If a socially acceptable amount of time hasn't passed between breakup and a new affair, the new one is flippantly dismissed as a "rebound relationship." With the exception of a few isolated cases, I don't much believe in the Rebound Theory.

I've heard lots of stories. Some people meet their soul mate immediately after ending a long relationship. Other people immediately hook up with someone who's even worse than the one they just left. No formula works for everyone. To my mind, it feels like every relationship after the first one is a "rebound." You never really get someone out of your system until you meet someone new. Hence, you replace. Or I do, anyway.

Whenever I play a sport or learn a new skill, I've never really been much of a fan of practice. I want to jump in there and learn by doing. So I can talk all I want about correcting the mistakes of my past relationships, but the only way to really put those new strategies to the test is to start a new one.

I have a bad habit of comparing and contrasting each of my lovers. Maybe we all do it, but it's probably not fair to the people we're comparing. For me, I think it's a side effect of being overschooled. In academia you're always being asked to compare/contrast something. Which of your girlfriends were "high maintenance?" Which were "low maintenance?" Please support your answer with examples from the text. I already notice differences, both positive and negative, between AG and SnarkEx. I'm writing that essay in my head, even if I'm not turning it in.

I'm not the only one who does it. Some of my friends & family have met AG, and the results have been relatively positive. Some have even said, "I like her better than SnarkEx." It makes me happy to hear these things, but I don't know how much weight to give them. After all, I think most of my friends and family liked SnarkEx at first, too. (Or pretended they did.) It's way too soon to tell how AG compares to SnarkEx in the long run.

All I can say is I really like AG and I really like my new cat. For now.