The Time Thief

This is really starting to piss me off.

Everything seemed to be going well. I had a good, active weekend. I survived my official divorce last week and now I'm taking lots of healthy steps to meet people. My NFL team totally choked yesterday and I didn't let it bring me down (much.) I won two fun tennis matches this weekend and now I'm 3-0 between my two leagues. My roommate moved out this weekend and I managed an entire month without blogging about his personal life. I got good solid sleep both Friday and Saturday nights.

This morning I woke up at 2:45 and had to pee. While I was in the bathroom I thought about what I great night of sleep I'd gotten. Then I realized that I still had three hours left. It always used to excite me when I would wake up in the middle of the night and realize I still had several hours of blissful sleep left. Knowing you don't have to get up yet and drifting back into slumber is a wonderful thing. I hate it when I wake up 15 minutes before the alarm.

But lately I haven't been so excited at waking up in the middle of the night. And my excitement last night was indeed premature. I spent the next two hours trying to get back to sleep and failing. I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but WTF? Why can't I sleep? What the hell is going on in my walnut-sized brain that prevents me from sleeping? Why is my mind fucking with me like this? Everything is going great and then, wump! I hit a wall of nonsleep. The more I shifted around in bed, the more pissed I got.

When I have a night like this it ruins the whole next day. I'm grumpy and have less energy and usually get a fatigue headache. Then have to go to bed early to catch up on the sleep I missed the night before. All that time I roll around in bed is sleep time that has to be made up, and I have to use my free time to do it. Insomnia steals my precious free time.

Today I have a headache. When I'm at work I usually take Excedrin for headaches because it doesn't make me drowsy. But the caffeine also makes me nervous and jittery because I'm not used to it. I think that maybe taking Excedrin is what has led to bouts of insomnia recently. So I have to find another headache medicine, which might not be as effective or might make me sleepy.

I have a really important tennis match tomorrow night, but I'll have no chance of playing well if I'm not well-rested. Maybe that's where this is coming from. I'm putting too much pressure on myself to sleep. My stupid brain.