Party Purpose

For two years now I have been boycotting the b-word. Maybe I'll mention this time of year that my odometer is turning over, or that I've completed another trip around the sun, but I just didn't feel like celebrating being another year older, divorced, and living alone with my two cats.

So I think it's pretty significant that this year I'm throwing myself a birthday party. I'm ready to celebrate my life.

I'm not sure if it was K who put the idea in my head to have a party, or if I mentioned it and she said, "I'll help cook for it!" But I do know I woudn't be having one if it weren't for her. She throws her own parties all the time. She's visiting me that weekend, and my birthday is on a Saturday, so it's perfect timing.

I don't have a great history with throwing parties. But my housewarming party last August was relatively successful, and that has inspired me to try again. I sent off the invitations this weekend and now I'm freaking out. What have I done? Who am I to ask people to celebrate my birthday with me? Will they think my event is stupid? Will some of the lesser-known acquaintances wonder why I'm inviting them? I wonder if I will ever get over the feeling that inviting people to a party is imposing on them. That's a ridiculous attitude to have.

When I was trying to decide who to invite, I had to ask myself a question. What is the purpose of throwing a party? Is it a referendum on my popularity? Is it to have fun? To provide others with a fun time? To show off? I really don't know what my motives are. People throw parties. And I want to be people. So I'm throwing a party.

My biggest fear is that there will only be three people there: Me, K, and some friend of a friend who I invited to increase the numbers. It will be awkward and I'll look like a loser to the one party guest. With that in mind, someone suggested that I only invite people who I would have fun with in that scenario. Only invite people that I could imagine being the third guest. It should be about quality and not quantity.

But I'm not crazy about that idea, because one purpose of this party is to increase my social circle. I want to invite peripheral people who might become better friends. And there's something appealing about mixing up my friends & acquaintances from different places. And let K meet more of the people in my life. Karma dictates that if I want to be invited to parties, I should host one.

Is that enough reasons? Do I even need a reason to justify a party? It's my fucking birthday!