Inner Extrovert

The question that's been on my mind a lot lately is to what extent I'm an introvert/extrovert. I used to think I was an introvert based on the fact that I seem to need alone time to recharge.

But a comment on my blog by INRIS last month made me rethink that assessment. I clearly have a need to process things out by talking about them. That would seem to make me an extrovert. It's true that whenever something interesting happens in my life, or when I have a crisis, my impulse is to reach out to people-- to tell someone about it. Sometimes, while I'm in the middle of some interesting experience, I'm already rehearsing in my mind how I will tell the story to others. Events don't feel real to me until I've told someone about them.

So what does that make me? Introvert? Extrovert? A bi-trovert? I'm not really sure why it matters whether I call myself introverted or extroverted. What would I do with the information, anyway?

Either way, I'm definitely a per-vert. (Joke courtesy of INRIS.)

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I've been examining this question in the context of my relationship with K. We live 700 miles apart and we're trying to figure out a level of contact that we're both comfortable with. The current trend is this:

• One live, face-to-face weekend every 4-6 weeks.
• One long phone call (about 2-4 hours) every weekend.
• Two or three long emails (each) per week.
• Almost daily comments on each other's Facebook pages.
  

I think she's happy with this arrangement. But how does my inner extrovert feel about it?

I would probably be happier with more spontaneous phone calls throughout the week and more frequent visits. But no two people ever get exactly what they want in a relationship, and I think I'm particularly suited for this arrangement. After all, I'm a little brother, so I'm used to not getting all the attention I want.

I also consider myself a loner. I don't like to join groups. I hate crowds. As I get older, I get less and less patient being around my entire family at one time. By necessity, I've learned how to entertain myself, and now there are times when I just want to be left alone to do that. I've gotten used to my own space and my own routines. Even when I was married, whenever SnarkEx would go out of town for a few days, I would look forward to getting some time at home to myself. So it's possible that, if K and I had more frequent contact, I would need more of my own space. There's a delicate balance.

Still, there's that inner extrovert, the one who has to tell people about everyday stuff, lurking within me. In the past (almost) two years that I've lived alone, I've learned to mostly suppress him. But he's been showing himself lately as K becomes more primary in my life. And that's scary.

The hardest times, so far, have been right after I visit K. It's difficult for me to transition from three days of constant contact back to the occasional email or phone call. I keep thinking of everyday things I want to tell her. But after a day or two I'm usually back to normal, and my inner extrovert goes back into his cage. And fights with my outer introvert.